A big part of this blog is to help people already a little bit interested in spirituality come into it full force. A way that can happen is by learning how to understand yourself so well that no one can ever throw anything at you and you’re not blindsighted to yourself. A lot of people have that problem. The theme of the twinflame relationship is a steady part of this blog because we’ve begun to notice that ‘love’ is equally as important as well. If you know yourself down to your atoms metaphorically speaking, you’ll be able to recognize your twinflame or feel some sort of ‘pulse’ about them when some other people might’ve walked right by them unnoticed.
The misconception about this blog is that its written by one person – its actually just two. We had a larger group of us before but it dwindled down to its founders – Just myself and Christina. She’s become somewhat infamous around tumblr because out of the hundreds of things you can take from this blog – they only latch onto the fact that Christina is in fact Kurt Cobain’s twinflame. Then they run off with it into the night and nurture exaggerations of it in the shadows like a Golem clinging to its precious. So I am literally going to write the full explanation of how all of this came to be. It is incredibly long but I feel as if this needs to be posted and stored in the archives for anyone that fancies a bit of late night reading. If you didn’t get it before, you are going to walk out a bit enlightened when you finish.
Its going to bring everything full circle. This is coming from someone who used to think that she was schizophrenic and I always questioned the daylights out of everything :
These two comics actually elaborate on the nature of our relationships extremely well, frighteningly - Click Here and Here
I’ve observed this phenonemon with an objective eye since the day it started. To condense it simply, it started off as a heavily repressed obsession that I was heavily skeptical of. When I started to get to know her as a person near the beginning of our friendship, I sort of turned my nose up at it a little because it sounded too grandiose to actually be true. She never claimed that she meant anything to him – just that she sensed a connection to him. There were extremely awkward situations that could have been replicated by thousands of other girls that kept running into “coincidences” of finding things or experiencing situations related to Kurt Cobain – so I didn’t buy it. A part of me secretly wanted to but until it was proven I just wrote it off as an 18/19 year old who wanted something so badly that she manifested it into relation through psychological delusion.
But then, strange things started happening. The more our friendship grew, I started learning that these “coincidences” were a part of a much longer chain of things that were harder to logically understand. She didn’t just have dreams about him. The dreams themselves seemed to be metaphorical that she started having before she was actually interested in his music or him as a person. But still, they were just dreams and anyone could have had them right? That’s what I thought before our call with a medium literally flipped the script. This – started- everything.
The ChannelingErik blog is a blog in which a mother hires a ridiculously gifted medium who can literally tell you that you should stop lying to your family about your dry bank account over the phone– to channel her dead son Erik and her blog chronicles his babbles about his newfound knowledge of the afterlife. We archived the majority of the blog out of interest and me out of obvious skepticism. I didn’t buy it until their own personal interviews with celebrity spirits drew direct parallels to how they acted in real life. The mom had been a hardcore agnostic raised by atheists so we could see how she was surprised by all of this new woo-woo new age information that hypothetically makes no sense. We got excited and bought a great deal on a reading in August of this past year.
We still have the audio recording saved of our reactions to learning that each of the boys were our own personal spirit guides. Not just ours obviously, but they were contracted to help us out. For Christina, we learned that he mused for a great deal of her writing and Erik was just my guide. This was probably one of the first instances where I heard this terminology so I didn’t know what a “spirit guide” actually was. Needless to say, we started meditating off an on for weeks on end in order to communicate with them more effectively.
At first, not going to lie – I thought it was all in our heads. I didn’t understand how it was possible to hear a dead person that’s supposed to be 10 feet under ground. I didn’t understand that “telepathy” was actually a thing where a spirit can just talk to you outright if you let them in. I thought that it was some imminent sign of schizophrenia. So despite the fact that I was more dominantly clairaudient and I wasn’t actually insane, I doubted it for months. But what made me turn the other cheek a bit was when we started learning that other psychics could see them too.
For some strange reason, Christy has this odd ability to attract the most mysterious people. For a few months, we attracted kids around our own ages that had ridiculously, shoot me through the roof – advanced mediumship abilities. To be sure, we put them in situations to try to fool them a little to see if they were lying – and they checked out each time. For shits and giggles, we would sort of “send” Erik and Kurt over to their houses to hang out with them to see if they could actually perceive them clearly. Each time we knew that they were telling the truth because they’d pick up on habits, mannerisms and personality traits that they only showed around us that we had never mentioned to them about. It was basically fool proof.
Around September was when we started getting odd vibes from them both. Around multiple other people, Erik would start acting skiddish around me and Kurt would start giving Christina these really odd, cutesy nicknames to describe her offhandedly. Me, being the Gemini-busy-body soul that I am playfully half truthfully felt that that was Kurt’s indirect way of trying to hit on her. All spirituality aside if you were in a group of friends and someone started doing that to someone else – you’d think something was going on. I forget at what point during that month it was in, but we had it confirmed by a couple of these psychics we spoke to that we are their twinflames. Even with the evidence hanging directly in my face, I still thought it was too crazy to be true.
But what was so unworldly about it was that I was the person that dominantly channeled them both. They just came to us casually as spirits and over a short while, their personalities began to unwravel and we learned things about them that we wouldn’t have possibly have known. I was never interested in Nirvana, rock music or anything even “slightly” related to punk, but I got to know the guy. We were constantly able to cross reference his mannerisms, ways of speaking, and his overall demeanor whilst I was channeling him with actual hardcore physical evidence that reflected back in the countless interviews I had watched of him for clairification. It blew my mind because I didn’t understand how we were speaking to THIS combination of people. A random dead kid from Texas and fucking Kurt Cobain, the highest paid dead celebrity in existence – “Why us?” - was a question I often asked.
Overtime however I learned why “not” us? When they were with us, we can singlehandedly say that we actually experienced the full intensity of their souls. Sometimes Erik and I even fought each other and there were loads of misunderstandings and verbal attacks, but he ultimately made me into a stronger person by forcing me to be honest with myself. Then with Christina, she experienced each of his qualities in excess in order to ultimately experience that he was a spiritual manifestation of what she hid in herself. A “twinflame” is someone that represents the perfect inversion of yourself and all of your icky, disgusting qualities that you try to hide under the rug, keep hidden in your journal, and push away through years and years of intensive therapy.
- They are meant to challenge you and destroy you at the same time.
Christina is Kurt’s twinflame because she is everything that people took advantage of and he adamantly tried to repress. She represents his sensitivity, his passion, his aggression and assertiveness, his take-no-prisoners personality, his deviance, his perversions, his fears, and his tendency to be an ass kicker and a reverse Zelda kind of volatile. Erik is my twinflame because I am his diplomacy, his extreme jumps between bleeding compassion and frostbite apathy, his playfulness, his love and zest for the ‘high life,’ his stuborness, his egotism, and his uncanny ability to lose himself in everyone he meets. We didn’t understand that this could be possible, why they came to us so young, why it was us and not some other lovelorn 20 or 50 year old women – but we started to eventually accept it.
The funny thing about romantic soulmate/twinflame relationships are that they literally mirror all of the fucked up shit that happened to you during your life time. I’m going to use this opportunity to blab about Christina first – She was always hyper piscean like Kurt when it came to relationships – Sunglasses on, logic and safety off. For years she had wound up in both physically and emotionally abusive relationships because she was constantly looking for a kind of intensity, chaos, and bad boy like energy that was bottled in a repressed looking human being. She liked those type of men like James from Silent Hill where you think they’re well meaning on the outside and on the inside you find this intensely broken and passionate man that eats masculinity for breakfast. She was always somewhat of an idealist because she wanted THOSE qualities balanced out with a guy that was paradoxically very eccentric, feminine, bohemian, cultured, and otherwordly. I ask you, America – How could this happen?
It didn’t and that’s the point. Until you find your twinflame, you’re always subconsciously trying to find them in the relationships you get yourself into. Christina was trying to find Kurt and she found abusive assholes instead because no one could mirror his intensity yet innate softness at the same time. Theoretically, its technically impossible. How can you sign onto a dating site or try to emit some kind of aura that says - “I want a man who can rough me up, yet recite poetry in the rain to me at the same time.” Its almost like one of those 1,000-piece checklists from Myspace where a whole malestorm of women and heart broken little girls ask for their dream guy that actually doesn’t exist.
Christina’s soulmate was as dead as a doornail and she decided that merging herself with his bodiless spirit was the best way to go. Otherwise I think I’d probably have to pull a scene out of Taken where I find her drugged up and lifeless in a foreign country as a sex slave because she decided to not listen to her parents. Instead of blogging this live from the safety of my bedroom, I would be blogging this from a foreign patrol car holding my dying friend in my arms. Respect Point +1 for Kurt Cobain.
For me, I’m basically one of those women out of really shitty romantic comedies with Channing Tatum where I can’t decide what I want. The latter part of the movie involves me blowing up his phone at 4AM about how interesting I think he is as a person not really realizing that it makes me look like a diehard nutcase that mirrors a 40 year old barren woman looking for love on Christian-singles.com. This was me and I say this proudly because I had my ass dragged through 10 miles of snow and dumped in the bottom of the ocean and abandoned until Erik showed me that these sort of actions are horrible for my mental health. Call it irony. Until I met Erik, I was constantly flinging myself into relationships because I was very, very bored with life. Erik suffered from the same disease. We seek the thrill in the relationships, yet as soon as the buzz wears off, we’re anxious to hop into another one because it all comes from the same place of a latent insecurity.
It was horrible because Erik represented the complicated spasticness that I secretly sought in a man. I didn’t just want the affectionate vanilla lover or the play boy, I also wanted the class clown, the trophy husband, and the compassionate white boy that spends his bank account on trying to sponsor a child in Africa because he saw a midnight tear jerker of Save The Children. The thing about mercurial men and women is that people like Erik and myself represent the best of all worlds in one. We are jacks of all trades, yet masters at nothing. We’ll say, “Gee, I want to do this, this, and that!” yet seldomly hone in on one particular thing that we are good at. I didn’t know that I wanted everything in one, so thank god I found him.
Kurt balances out Christina because she’s the secret warrior prince he’s always wanted. She’s one of those people that looked as if she worshipped Xena yet wanted her Prince Phillip to come and collect her as soon as she cries. Believe it or not, that is the theme of their relationship. At the same time, she also kicks his ass and breaks her damsel in distress facade to drag him out of his depressive stupors where he’s scared that she actually doesn’t love him. Its like being locked in an insane asylum where a married couple are in the same cell and obviously love each other yet they’re so consumed by their own issues that they can’t see the love they have for each other right in their faces.
For me, Erik is my little wonder boy who also wonderously pisses me off at the exact same time. As a couple, we’re not as evolved because we’re still individually learning to overcome our own egos and let go in relationships. As a medium, I was able to get in contact with each of our higher selves and I learned that we eventually sort out our issues and we’re in perfect harmony with one another – its just a matter of getting there. Erik represents the internal balance that I currently lack in myself and I am his hypersensitivity that he likes to hide with a great sense of humor. He comes at you like the life of the party but inside he’s this emotional little boy who’s entire light depends on the party itself.
The thing that I personally want people to understand is that these relationships are equally challenging. They aren’t some awkward deluded fantasies where we run off into the sunset, obsessed with the perfect love singing California Dreaming because we’re so gosh-darn-amazing. We fight, we struggle and we’ve both had nights where we’ve been pushed to the edge. Christy and Kurt at their lowest with their manipulative tactics to control one another and Erik and I with our love spats revolving around why we’re not more tactful and mindful of one another’s feelings. We can be equally as fucked up and we are still evolving and ultimately learning as people.
So with that said, I just want you to take something with you before you sign out of this tab and head back to reblogging Supernatural gif-sets – We are just a group of regular people like anyone else trying to pull it together to cherish one another and try to appreciate the smaller things in life. We are not gurus, we are not all knowing. We are not some women that are trying to soak tumblr in bullshit because we want attention. We’re just sharing our experiences because we’ve learned that there are too many people out there that need someone bold enough to say that, despite all of the skeptics, that this is something that we go through. We know that we are not alone.